At the beginning of a relationship it comes so easily. You spend time talking to each other about who you are, your beliefs and your dreams. You talk about every single thing that happens. You spend time holding hands, hugging and missing the point of movies because you were sharing a private joke, making out or more.
But then you move in together, maybe you marry, maybe you have kids but real life happens and before you know it you are saying “I love you, please take out the wheelie bin”. You mostly talk to organise kids activities, talk about unpaid bills and debate who left the car with an empty tank. Or worse you tell each other those things in between undermining each other. You get jealous of how ‘in love’ new couples are.
I think that’s what happens all too often. I had relationships like that before Mr Ask and I was determined to do things differently this time. That determination has paid off more than I could have imagined. These are the things we do that I think make the difference:
- Remove blame from your vocabulary. Too often blame leads to a conversation that better suits five year olds.
- Make time to talk every day about whatever, your day, your hopes and dreams, something you learnt or your thoughts on current affairs. Knowing someone intimately means knowing their inner self and your inner self changes fractionally every day. If your partner isn’t up to date you’ll feel that distance.
- Share your fears with your partner often. They should be well equipped to soothe you and may have surprising solutions when given a forum free of judgement.
- Find opportunities to laugh together. There is a special chemistry to it.
- Do the things you did when you were first together, even if you can’t do it often.
- Ask how much winning the fight is worth vs togetherness before you sleep on a disagreement. A heartfelt apology can heal many things.
Feel free to comment and add your tips or let me know what you think xxx
Leave A Reply